Saturday, August 28, 2010


My best friend is visiting from San Fransisco. Since she moved, we've gone as much as a whole year without seeing each other. When we do, though, it's like she never left. True friendships really do stand the test of time and distance. We discussed our appearances a lot, and as she regaled me with her stories of weight gain and loss, hair colors and cuts, I realized she's never looked any different to me- just beautiful.
I saw an old voice teacher a couple days ago, and the connection we once had was so broken that I hardly recognized her. It was like the time I spent with her never even happened- I'd spent far more time repairing the emotional damage from that relationship than reaping the benefits of what she taught me. After two years of reflection and growth on my part, she looked like a completely different person to me.
Do your visual perceptions of people change as your relationships do? Mine certainly do, in a big way. As I grow to love someone, their flaws slowly disappear, and they just simply look beautiful to me. It works the other way too though- sometimes what I once saw as beautiful turns into a flaw. Lovely blond hair suddenly looks too bright, merely a distraction from more meaningful subjects.
There is someone in my life who I feel has stopped seeing my beauty. They glide over my joy and consistently arrive at my mistakes, my negativity. As I continue spending more and more time with this person, I wonder if I'll begin to see myself in that way. I don't know if it's just a stage they're going through, or if I'm merely being too sensitive. Or, if it's true and does in fact continue, will it cause me to lose my love for myself?
There is a lot to be said for surrounding yourself with people who love you. Make sure they really do see you in a positive light, because it's easy to start to see their image as your own reflection.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I've lived all by myself for over one year now.
I adore it.
As of next week, I will no longer be living alone. It's a good thing for both parties involved, but I must say how important I think it is for every individual to live by themselves at some point in their lives.
Over the last year, I've come to one great realization- I actually enjoy my own company. Because, well, I'm awesome. One or two nights a week, I cook myself a nice dinner, drink a glass of wine, and enjoy a romantic comedy with myself. Sometimes, if I drink enough wine, I'll just wander around the condo as if it's my palace. I'm the proud owner of many ball gowns, and play dress up more often than you might think a 25-year-old would.
It's the little things I love, too- like right now I'm sitting on my bed in my underpants, eating cheese. And yes, drinking wine. Again. Can I still do these things when there is someone here to witness them? Will they just judge me for consuming too much cheese and wine? And never wearing pants?
I think maybe that's where many co-habitations take a wrong turn- one or all parties feel like they need to hide their true colors to appear normal. We all know that ship has already sailed for me, so I figure why not just let it all hang out?
I've basically decided that, besides closing the door when I pee now, I'm just going to own it.

You want to live with me? Then you better be ready to live with me! Bring it.