Sunday, November 21, 2010


Do you believe in signs? I do. I've always asked for them when I'm not sure what to do. Or even when I am sure. Always.

I asked for a sign about my relationship. I asked for one every day. And you know what? I totally got one every day. In the form of avoidance and lies. Distance. Reservation. They were backwards, but they were still signs. And somehow, I didn't think this was obvious enough. I ignored what God, or the universe, or... what HE was telling me.

There were so many signs. I asked for them, but wasn't really looking for them. Now I see.

So after all this, I've resolved to keep my eyes open. To go where the wind blows me, if you will.

A couple weeks ago, I began pondering the idea of moving home to save money for grad school, or wherever I end up going. That day, my doorbell rang. It was a man, who asked me if anyone in my complex happened to be renting out their condo. Aha! The slap in the face I needed!

...Actually, I think at this point maybe God was trying to comment on my inability to recognize subtlety in the ways of the world.

But anyway, I knew if I didn't rent my condo to this guy, I may never find my true path in life. Done deal. Him and his wife are moving in next month.

And me? Selling all my stuff. Downsizing in a major way. In a few months, I might get into school. Or I might just start traveling and not come back. But either way, I won't be sorry I gave up my home and my belongings. It's what was supposed to happen.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

Elizabeth Bishop

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